I'm back home.

I travelled for a total of 36 hours from Xalapa to the border at El Paso, crossed, and then travelled with Bill for a couple of days through New Mexico. New Mexico was nice, I suppose, but not entirely my style. Once we hit the very Eastern edge of New Mexico, I began to feel at home again, and that feeling increased as we passed through the panhandle of Oklahoma and into Western Kansas. I was in my country.

I arrived home yesterday morning, and since then have been just working on settling back in and trying to begin my job hunt, which is, after all, the reason I'm back here, ultimately. I'm very happy to be home and I'm looking forward to spending some quality (and quantity) time here before venturing out into the wider world again.

It occurs to me that this blog was begun as a project to keep my family at home informed of my happenings and adventures. Now that I am once again my loved ones, this online project seems to be obsolete. I'll leave it online of course; the blog is as good (or not) to read as it ever was. However, I do not forsee more entries in the new future - if you want answers, come and get them from me in person.

Wow. I haven't updated at all in the past - almost - week. Oops. It's just that not much has been actually happening. There's been a lot more thought than actual action. And that thought has, finally, come to a definitive conclusion: I'm heading back to the United States.

I decided the matter a few days ago, realizing that I was not going to find a good situation here in Xalapa very quickly and that I would probably be best off returning to the United States and stablizing for a while before heading out "into the world" again. In the end, I'm low on money, energy and enthusiasm. I feel that I need to recharge, in every sense, in a safe place. Can't get much safer than Wichita.

So, the plan is thus: After getting my deposit back tommorrow afternoon (that the gods let it be so...), I'll email home and tell Mom and Bill that we're a go. At that point, Bill will take his rental car and start his long drive down South. I will pack up and prepare to leave. Friday morning, I will get up early, go to CAXA (Xalapa's bus station) and get a bus to Mexico City. Arriving in Mexico City, I will buy my ticket to Ciudad Juarez (on the border with El Paso), and give Bill a call on the cell phone, letting him know what time I plan to arrive in Ciudad Juarez. I then proceed to ride the bus for an ungodly amount of time, arriving in Ciudad Juarez sometime on Saturday. I cross the border, meet up with Bill, who awaits me at the Greyhound terminal.

I'm kissing the saint I've got around my neck as I write out this plan...

My demo lesson at Kiosk went very well, and it felt great to be teaching again. Of course, all this earned me was "we'll give you work as soon as we have some." So, once again, we'll see.

I'm feeling really down right now, because my landlords, six days after moving in and having paid, are springing all kinds of things on me, and a contract that I'm supposed to sign. The old man (who, thank the gods, does not appear to be actually in charge; not that it would be strange for a senile old geezer to be in charge...) who rented me the place and agreed to a one month rent, is now giving me the impression that the minimum rent is two months, and that if I don't stay that long, they just keep my deposit.

We'll see what happens when I speak with "the secretary" tommorrow. If they keep my deposit based on a deal that I was not told about, I'm going to be very upset...

Yesterday I went out to University Anahuac and interviewed briefly for a position there. I'm to return on Tuesday and present a "difficult" sample lesson. This university has so many disadvantages, but it's a very well respected school around here...

It's far away (probably an hour commute each way from where I live); they have given me no details on employment - just that there "might be something"; they expect me to arrange my work visa on my own, pay it all myself and don't even seem to know what the process is. "You have to deal with that" is the attitude. I don't know how much it might pay, how many hours they might give me or what benefits might be involved. We'll see. I'm not getting my hopes up.

Today I present my "demo lesson" at Kiosk. It will have to be an exceptional one for them to take me, as they already have five new teachers. Planning the lesson last night and revising it this morning, I know that I'm a good teacher, and that I have been well trained by the folks at SIT... Now it's just a question of whether I can get hired, regardless of qualifications. Everything moves so slowly down here... which is fine when you have work.. But waiting a month to get word of whether you'll even have a job is a nightmare when you're on a budget!

Today I headed out to the University of Xalapa, a private school, and dropped by their language department to ask about jobs. They seemed quite willing to give me one, but not until the end of August, and, even then, only 8 hours (two days a week, four hours in the afternoon). I smiled, collected contact info and thanked the director of languages for her time. Tommorrow I'll go to another University, as well as observe a class at Kiosk, the private language institute where I interviewed previously. On Wednesday I'll present a sample lesson for them. We'll see what they say.

More and more I'm thinking about the very real possibility of having to return home to Wichita. If I fail here, I feel that the only real option is to return home, get a McJob for a while and save up money. Above all, I want to be outside of the United States right now, but it seems that the "economy" may make that a dream for the moment.

Grr... I'm feeling pessimistic.

Yesterday I moved into my first apartment. It's a nice little place, with door-like, opening windows facing the street. It can be slightly noisy, but nothing compared with Mexico City. It has a bathroom, shower (no hot water), a bed and a large room. One could say that it is a "mini-apartment." But it's sufficient for what I need. It costs 1350 pesos per month (more or less $110), plus the same amount in deposit, which makes me nervous. It's expensive by local standards, especially as I'm living alone which is almost unheard of for folks my age, but it is a great location - just two blocks from the city center.

I'm content with everything except that it doesn't have hot water and doesn't have a stove. However, once I have a little bit more money (once I get a job), I'm going to buy a little gas burner for 20 bucks and a cylinder of gas. Then we'll be set.

But that's the thing... Money. I feel really stupid, because, looking at my financial statement that I just recieved, I've exceeded the original agreed-upon amount of loan that I set up originally. I, apparently, reached my limit at the end of my Central American trip. Everything since then has been savings. And I don't have much. If I can't find work this month, I'm going back to the United States and getting a job. I have to be realisitic about this; I can't be living off of other people's money my entire life.

I can't stand this.

Today, I went to Kiosk, an English language school here in Xalapa, and interviewed for a job as a teacher. The interview went fine, I suppose, but the results do not appear to be what I would have desired. I arrived "a little late," apparently, as there are currently five teachers finishing their training and beginning work this Monday. However, my credentials were more than acceptable, and the school's director invited me to observe a class this coming Tuesday and to teach a lesson for them on Wednesday. I'm a little bit nervous, as the director only mentioned that he "might have something" after that.

I'm going to look into other schools here in Xalapa, but, honestly, it's slim pickings. I feel a little chagrined, having left the land of opportunties (Mexico City), where I could have made far more than double the salaries of Xalapa, to arrive in a place where it's questionable whether I can even encounter steady work. I love this town, but, while the capital of the state of Veracruz, its English teaching market is absolutely backwater. Even if I get work here, it will take months just to build up the money that I'm spending before I get work.

This is frustrating.

On the other hand, I'm in Xalapa, and I love Xalapa. Also, I have my friends, Miguel and Nallely to support me. These past couple of days I have felt very supported by Miguel, who has gone out of his way to help me look for an apartment and check out work. I'm writing this current entry on his computer; he gives me virtually unlimited access to the internet when I drop by his home. Very nice of him.

I'm going to do my best to make this situation work.